Duran Duran – Band look super!

Band look super!

EXCLUSIVE

010_duran_duranAfter two spectacular years of success Duran Duran look set to establish themselves as the best looking band in the history of pop. For as lead singer Simon Le Bon told us, “We’re better looking now than the Bay City Rollers”

BLONDE

That may sound like an ambitious claim, but it is one which the band’s millions of screaming fans would not dispute. Indeed, blonde haired Le Bon, probably the best looking man in Britain today, has been described by top DJ Peter Powell as “Better looking than all of the Osmonds put together”.

ATTRACTIVE

Their journey to the top has been a hard one. They had to play in small seedy clubs with little or no money to spend on clothes , often having to share their make-up with the support band. But now those days are in the past. Their recent success has lead to world tour after world tour, together with expensive videos, Put despite this hectic schedule the band have managed to remain attractive.

HANDSOME

“If anything we ‘re better looking now than we were twelve months ago”, blonde keyboard player Nick Rhodes told us. “It can be quite embarrassing looking back on some of the early photo sessions we did. But we’ve come a long way since then”. As far the future is concerned there isn’t much left for the band to achieve. “It would be nice to quit while we ‘re at the top”, Le Bon told us. “I certainly wouldn’t want to keep going just for the sake of it the way that Elvis did. He got really ugly”.

LUSH

But he sees a much brighter future for Duran Duran. “When you look at Steve McQueen he was still good looking in his sixties. So we’ll probably be around for a good while yet”.

ZOO OF SHAME

ZOO OF SHAME

EXCLUSIVE

Animals made love as children watched

Our reporters have investigated a disturbing behind the scenes sex scandal at a leading London zoo. And we have proof that staff at the zoo in Regents Park have actually encouraged sex between animals.

PENGUINS

On a recent visit to the zoo we watched as penguins made love openly while visitors, some of them young children, passed nearby. And we witnessed giraffes attempting sex as a zoo keeper looked on.

NAKED

In the reptile house the temperature was noticeably high, and we saw lizards and snakes romp naked in the grass.

PASSION

Nearby a crowd watched as lions explored each others bodies, while in the next cage leopards prepared for a night of passion.

ACTS

It seems that such acts of shame are an everyday occurrence at this, the zoo of sin. And the staff there have been actively involved in encouraging sexual relationships between animals.

KEY

Woman
This woman sold children ice cream while animals had sex.

We can reveal that the zoos top attraction, Chi Chi the giant panda, is the key figure in an international sex syndicate involving well known zoos in China and the USA. Our investigations revealed that the bear is regularly taken out of the country to other zoos where it is forced into sex sessions with other pandas.

Yesterday the zoos head keeper was not prepared to discuss our claims. But when we confronted him with our dossier, including photographs of a young rabbit having sex, we were told to piss off.